the mysterious ways of the iPod

This post is totally stolen from Garrick because I'm lazy and lack creativity!! Thanks dude!

Set all your music to shuffle and then use the title of whatever song pops up as the answer to the question. Hilarity usually ensues... And of course no skipping, unless it's not really a song at all.

1. How does the world see me?

Deftones - My Own Summer (Shove It)

Me thinks the world has problems playing with others . . . Sad.

2. Will I have a happy life?

Outkast - Roses

"Roses really smell like poo" . . . Great, my life is going to be shit! FANTASTIC!

3. What do my friends really think of me?

Grandaddy - Guide Down Denied

I'm a space cadet! I admit it!

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

Moist - Into Everything

Aww, gee, thanks. You're making me blush.

5. How can you be happy?

Tokyo Police Club - If It Works

I'm not going to lie, I have rooted all my happiness in my future academic career. If it works, all will be gravy.

6. What should I do with my life?

Feist - Mushaboom

"Collect these moments one by one" . . . Sounds delish!

7. Why must life be so full of pain?

The Fratellis - Whistle for the Choir

The sound of tiny violins.

8. Will I ever have children?

Tokyo Police Club - Nature of the Experiment

Oh ho ho! What an experiment it would be!! I will name them after dictators and military generals and make them wear itchy wool sweaters because they are neato! Oh! Unless they are girls, in which. I shall name them after Velvet Underground songs . . . However, the wool sweater bit remains the same.

9. Will I die happy?

Elliott Smith - Strung Out Again

Egads! Elliott Smith . . . That is just not a good sign. If I start reaching for the Jack Daniels, that's a sign of bad things to come.

10. What is some good advice for me?

The Dears - Sinthro

I'm going to interpret it that as I should create an army of robots. Only instead of having them kill all humans, I prefer them to dance!

11. What is happiness?

Modest Mouse - Steam Engenius

Again with the robots!!

12. What's my favorite fetish?

Matthew Good Band - Deep Six

HAHAHA!! That is just perfectly dirty!!

13. How will I be remembered?

Broken Social Scene - Blues for Uncle Gibb

As a old man?! Meh, at least I'm remembered. . . Could be worse.

14. What is your love life like?

The Avalanches - Electricity

I wish. Haven't felt those sparks in awhile.

15. What is sex with you like?

Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang

Hahaha!!

16. What's your life motto?

The Velvet Underground - New Age

This makes my heart smile.

17. What do your parents think of you?

Sam Roberts - Mind Flood

18.What's your favorite hobby?

Matthew Good Band - Apparitions

I'm not going to lie, I totally had a magic kit when I was a kid and I've been thinking about picking it up again!

19. What does your best friend really think of you?

Matthew Good Band - Jenni's Song

Wow, how wonderfully depressing. Keltie, you can tell me if you want to kill me with your car, I won't be mad.

20. What's the worst thing about you?

Stealers Wheel - Stuck in the Middle of You

MY INSIDES!!! So true! My stomach hates all things . . . Especially milk. Especially me. Le sigh.

21. Describe your mind.

Moist - Resurrection

Ohh so true! Because of my OCD, I repeat every conversation and social interaction over and over again. Following that, I seriously lament on my social awkwardness

22. How will you die?

Cibo Matto - Birthday Cake

Oh goddamit! Cruel and twisted fate! It'll probably be an ice cream cake . . . Delicious and deadly to those with lactose-intolerance!

23. How does your crush feel about you?

Blonde Redhead - Melody of Certain Three

A threesome?? . . . Apparently, my iPod and crush thinks I'm kinky as all get-out.

24. What is your wedding going to be like?

Tracy Bonham - Mother Mother

Nono, this is wrong. It should be Finger Eleven - "Drag you Down" because that's the only way I'm going down that bloody isle!

25. What about your honeymoon?

Interpol - Hands Away

Bondage?! Well, after the dragging, why not?!

26. Describe the last day of your life.

The Delgados - The Weaker Argument Defeats the Stronger

Sweet, I'll die in a debate. I'll die the way I lived, fighting to the burger.

27. Why does life suck?

Broken Social Scene - Feel Good Lost

Advice for all those feeling lost. The best adventures are found when lost, so enjoy the journey.

28. Why does life rule?

Broken Social Scene - Canada Vs. America

. . . And we are taking the bitches down! Canadian Bacon style!!! *WAR CRY*

29. What will you be famous for?

Matthew Good - Dancing Invisible

I always knew that my mad dance skills would help me take over the world! The invisibility is just a perk.

30. What's the craziest thing you'll ever do?

The Delgados - Don't Stop

Hmm, the iPod approves of my insanity. Excellent!

31. Will you achieve your goals?

Sigur Ros - Gong

Gong show kamikaze style! Absolutely!

32. What will your future job be like?

The Darkness - Growing on Me

Professional uterus-for-sale?! OH, SOD THAT!!

33. And your party life?

Tenacious D - Wonderboy

Again with the mad dance skills!

34. Overall, will you be happy?

Matthew Good Band - Advertising on Police Cars

Oh bloody hell! First with Elliott Smith and then with this . . . Not a good sign, not a good sign at all.

35. Or will you just deal with it?

Enon - Conjugate the Verbs

Well, with all that conjugation things will turn around! They have to!

things and stuff

I stole this from Keltie, namely, because I haven't posted in forever and this shall distract people from nagging me about it for awhile! Huzzah!


1. What do you wish you had been named? i am emotionally-satisfied with my name, however, when i was a kid i totally wanted to be named melinda. lame, i know.

2. What is the nickname most people call you? chelso . . . have i mentioned that i hate nicknames (that is except for the gem that is SCHMELTREX)

3. Do you plan to change your name when you get married? i have no plans to get married so that eliminates that problem! that is unless cillian murphy comes a' knockin!

4. If you could become any age you wanted, right now, what age would it be and why? i'm good with 22, it's been good so far. it is the beginning of my academic career, i'm going to turkey and africa with my degree, so things are gravy.

5. Why is (insert your favorite color here) your favorite color? brown, because people constantly underestimate how fabulous it is.

6. If your first choice of careers doesn't work out, what would you choose as a "backup”: probably something with an NGO in africa or the middle east. anything with travel and politics makes me a happy girl.

7. What holiday could you easily do without? easter . . . there is not a single easter special that makes my heart swell with glee! sorry jesus, you just didn't make the cut!

8. Assuming you have a crush on somebody, what is it exactly that you like about him/her? If you don't have a crush, what is the one quality that the person absolutely has to have? cillian murphy is irish and that is plenty good enough for me!

9. What singer or band can you imitate the best? ummm probably alec ounsworth from clap your hands say yeah because i'm good with the voice cracking, twitchy goodtimes.

10. If your life were a book, what genre would it be? non-fiction. someday hopefully it'll be like a hardy robert fisk or robert kaplan. DAMN IT! my parents should have named me robert! i would totally kill the travel journalism/poly sci scene. le sigh.

11. Do you worry about finding your soul mate and getting married? not at all. he's out there somewhere, i'm cool with the wait, it makes things all that more interesting.

12. If you could choose how to die, how would you? i would like to think that as much as a tire necklace would suck, it still sounds like the fucking coolest way to die! i would go out in a literal blaze of glory!

13. If you were the opposite sex for a day, would you have sex with somebody of the same sex that you used to be (ex: if you're a girl and turned into a guy for a day, would you have sex with a girl, and vice versa for guys), and why/why not? it would totally have to be with another guy because there are some positions that i'm confused about. i've been told everything is possible . . . this scenario would mean mystery solved!

FAVORITES
Type of chocolate: milk . . . however, it does result in sweet gastrointestinal pain!
Eye color: green
Dog breed: a cat! preferably named 'chairman meow'.
Period in history: present era
Word to use when you want to sound smart: oh ho ho 'neoimperialism' you have got me through some tough times!
Candle scent: wild honey
Method of communication (in person, telephone, etc): telephone . . . they can't see how socially awkward i am!
Language: my dear farsi!
Famous painting: mark by chuck close.
Weather: a warm summer night
Summer activity: waiting the night/drinking.
Winter activity: waiting for winter to be over.
Computer game: i stick to my nintendo goodtimes! namely, zelda: the ocarina of time!
Boredom-buster: making amazing playlists for friends and fiends alike.
Newspaper comic: get fuzzy is amazing like fuck.
Section in a bookstore: political science or history . . . it's a toss-up
Sex/romantic scene in a movie: when nino and amelie finally meet at her apartment after much chase and intrigue. the kiss on the eyelid, the neck and then the side of the lip . . . the french just know how to do it right.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW (NOT JUST YOUR FRIENDS)

The one you can stand for the longest amount of time: i'm pretty anti-social, so i really only like myself.
Wears the funkiest socks: barbara
The activist: barbara . . . you are my emotional hero for the ken epp saga! that or siahra, who will absolutely do great things in the world.
The most boy (or girl) obsessed: kelsey
The horniest: kelsey
The one who you wouldn't care if they disappeared from the face of this earth: i'm pretty zen with everybody. besides, i'm abandoning canada in mere months, so really it is i that will quasi disappear.
The best musician: trevor . . . however, if it was taste in music i got to give chad some serious street cred!
The overachiever: probably me, i annoy pretty much everyone with my school nerditry.
The worst taste in music: keltie . . . sorry my dear!
Needs a life: duncan, he is a workaholic in the worst way.
You absolutely couldn't live without: the mother
The best singer: christine
The most expansive vocabulary: keltie
Has the niftiest house: serena
Has the prettiest handwriting: stephanie
Talks way too much: oh ho ho! me!!!
The one you truly worry about: again with the zen.
Never gets sick, damn them: duncan

EITHER/OR
Elvis or Madonna? elvis.
Green or red? green.
Sci-fi thriller or trashy romance? neither . . . it's non-fiction (or harry potter) or bust!!
Martial arts or yoga? yoga
Lollipop or Hershey's Kiss? lollipop, only because of the whole lactose-intolerant bit.
When you sleep, bedroom door open or closed? open just a crack for the cat. even with her gone, i leave it open, i dunno, just in case or whatevs.
Jacket or sweatshirt? jacket.
Radio or CDs? CDs
Recliner chair or cushion on the floor? my delicious papasan chair/nest.
Bunk bed: top or bottom? bottom
Handwriting or typing? my handwriting . . . because it's like a spy code! no one can read it but me.
Chicken Soup: the book or the food? neither.
Ballet or jazz? jazz

IMAGINED SITUATIONS
1. If babies could talk at birth, what do you think would be the first thing they say? 'allo chaps!! oy! what's with all this brightness and such!?! . . . all babies are born british! tis a shame if you didn't know!

2. If you could read minds, would you enjoy knowing what people were thinking, or would breaching their privacy bother you? Would you consider it a burden to know everyone's innermost thoughts? i'm cool with the mystery of not knowing . . . besides, i would probably become more socially awkward via the power of telekinesis or whatevs!

3. Do you think you could survive in the Middle Ages? i can be pretty sly so i would like to think so.

4. If you knew as a little kid what you know now, what one situation would you choose to do differently? i would probably be the week that keltie and her family went skiing . . . ohh that fateful day with the falling and the breaking and the goat and what not!

5. If you were given the choice to know exactly when, how, and where you would die, would you choose to know? And if you did choose to know, would you try and cheat death? meh, countdowns are always dreadfully stressful things so i'd rather due without. besides i already know it's totally going to be the tire necklace bit!

6. If you got pregnant (guys, just play along) before you were ready, what would you do? Would you ask your parents for help, or keep it from them? i would probably just bash my head against a wall for a solid 10 minutes or until the coma kicks in.

7. Do you think you would enjoy being the opposite sex for the rest of your life? What would be so enjoyable/hellish about it? i'm not going to lie, boys have it easy in the poly sci world . . . i'm a little jealous!

8. If someone came up with an elixir that made you immortal, would you take it? nah. i've seen 'death becomes her' nothing good comes from it.

9. Does the thought of being a vampire appeal to or disgust you? if it involves spike than i'm all for vampirism.

10. If you were given magickal powers to do just one thing, what would you do (besides giving yourself unlimited magickal powers)? it's not really a magical power, i would really like a lot of money so i could do some very good things with it in the world! plus then i could actually afford to travel to the places that i'm heading this year! that or i would be batman! not a magical power but ohh so very close!

11. If you could go back into history and change one thing only, what would you change? the bush/gore election . . . oh yes! that would have resulted in goodtimes abounds!

bonjour

THIS!!!

tuna fish

I've been dreaming a lot lately , it's nice as I went through a year of murky figures, washes of grey . . . nothing was really concrete or memorable in my dreams. It was kind of depressing as since as far back as I can remember I have had really bitching dreams, I've been John Luc Bacard, I fought Godzilla, my best friend was impregnated by Tony Danza and danced with My Little Ponys . . . pretty much amazing!

I started dreaming again, or at least, remembering my dreams. However, what is fascinating about my latest bout of dreams is they are all so vivid and real. I dream of my cat. My little nona cat visits me every night, it's an utterly ordinary but truly wonderful. The stuff that dreams should be made of.

Goddammit I miss that crazy old cat.

accoustics

I was about to go to bed when for the first time in quite a while I am actually feeling compelled to post. Huzzah! Namely, this is because an accusation of the dear schmeltie of me not being 'real' enough lately in my sporadic posts. So, in honor of the schmeltrex, away we go . . . random facts about me:

1. I cry a lot . . . perhaps more than any normal person should. Seriously, I'm like a fucking faucet of sobbing goodtimes, but here's the fun bit, it's normally due to obscenely ill-timed laughter . . . that and pretty much I cry while watching movies. It really doesn't matter what movie it is, at some point, rest assured, I will be crying like a baby. I mean, honestly, I cried many times over in 28 Days Later for fuck's sake!

2. I am convinced that when I am older I will honestly have some impact in the world . . . it does seem unfortunate that it is likely due to my insanity rather than any sort of genius. However, I really do like to cling to the fact that I might be capable of doing something good with my focus in academics . . . this fact often makes me feel like a walking academic clinche.

3. I really believe in true love despite having never experienced first hand. That is, unless, you count my nearly decade-old love of Matthew Good . . . truly, ours is a love that will transcend all time.

4. Sometimes when I'm alone, and by sometimes I mean like all the time, I narrate my life with a British accent . . . if I'm cooking food I sound like Julie goddamn Andrews!! This talking outloud British bit is mostly prominant when I am driving . . . that's where I do all my best thinking. Essentially, the car is my secret place to sort out all my worries and bothers, me and my British self hash out conversations that will potentially end my anxieties . . . mostly these conversations revolve around mock job interviews, grad school schemes and applications. It's that or I just dance . . . A LOT!

5. Finally, I truly believe that running around in an empty house with the music cranked, dancing in my underwear, is the closest I will ever come to having to a religious experience . . . honestly, it's bloody amazing! And all the whilest I'm dancing and running around, I'm laughing like a sodding banshee . . . I highly recommend this and it should be done as often as humanly possible.

SCREW THE BANK I WORK FOR!! SCREW THE BANK!! *dances*

sweet, sweet disco bulge

So I am pretty much excited as I am in the process of writing my last paper for the semester . . . of course, being true to my nature I waited until the last possible moment to sit down and write. Go out with a bang, mon freres, not a whimper.

This paper, however impossible writing it is seeming to be, has so far been fun and goodtimes abounds as it basically legitmized me watching "Sholay" about fifty-bazillion times. Oh ho ho, it is so very good to my heart. Also, due to the obscene watching of said film I also decided to purchase it . . . ohhh yes, my friends, I am now the proud owner a 70's western Bollywood film. Chest hair, Canadian tuxedos and disco bulge! Oh my!

Jealous!

corporate responsibility is for fools and liberals!

Le sigh. It appears that tonight I will be a goodtimes kind-of-gal . . . that is if goodtimes means an all-nighter and kind-of-gal is code for please fucking kill me now. Honestly, I hate the final paper push especially when I am tired and devoid of ideas and whatevs. Heyyy who wants to write a paper for me on the impact of Trans-national corporations on human rights?! *jazzy hands*

How could anyone ever say no to jazzy hands?! Oh also maybe it was due yesterday, so could you also provide me with a time machine and a bottle of liquid courage?

Thanks! Byeee!

adventures in awesomeness

Hallo my brothers. Ohh last night was fun and goodtimes abounds! The Dears were in town and put on a rather enjoyable show as it were. It didn't hold the same frantic energy that I have come to expect and love from my precious Dears . . . perhaps it had something to do with the fact that Murray was sober, and therefore, had the capacity to stand up/remember his lines. I'm not going to lie, some of the magic was in the twinkle of drunken Murray's eye.





TO DA MOON!!!

hungry for the sun

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks in memory . . . it's been exhausting and cruel. I lost my cat this week, I had her for 19 years. She was my association of home . . . she's gone and with her that feeling of belonging and fit. I always told people that she was going to live forever and as silly as it sounds, I really had convinced myself that this was, in fact, a possibility.

I need something good to happen. Just a little kindness, that's all.

in view

Ohhh it's that dreadful time of midterm papers, and therefore, busyness abounds mon freres!! I have pretty much spent the last couple of weeks locked in academia and it's still not over. Fortunetely, thanks to some friends excellently timed birthdays it means a whole lot of drinking to numb the pain.



Oh ho ho, yes it was the schmeltie's birthday on Saturday which means that I was a drunken mess of awesomeness. Also maybe, it is michelle's birthday this coming Friday which means more birthday schnanagin fun! Fuck you acadamia, I have a new love, thy name is Gato Blanco Sauvignon Blanc and we are the best of friends. We wear snotty french berets and laugh at those who are not nearly as snotty as we are . . . and that, my friends, is a whole lot of muthafuckers!

Is it sad that I have managed to convince myself that since the Tragically Hip are coming to town within the week of my 22nd birthday, that is quite obvious that they are coming to town exclusively to celebrate the birth of me?! Could it be any more obvious!! The other 9,999 people that will see the Hip really are just lucky to join my brithday festivities! YAYA!

ADD isn't just for the hipster scum anymore! Neat!

this originates from the heart

So my mom has decided to nickname me "poot fruit" which is unsettling and creepy . . . it's derived from the phrase "fruit of my loins" and it's reason 1 bazillion hundred why my mom is the coolest muthafucker in the world.

I haven't posted in two weeks because I haven't done anything except for cram more Persian into my brain . . . oh that and I have developed an obsession with cutting my bangs. I've cut them 3 times in the last 2 days . . . I'll have a mullet by Saturday! Neat!

. . . I need a life.

At least I have Jason Collett on Friday and a bright mullet-alious future to look forward to this week! le sigh. Also maybe I will take photos at Jason Collett so that my site isn't riddled with photos of me. Alas, until that time I present you with this gem . . . BANGS!!!



Khodau Hafez bitches!!

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Arrr ye salty landlubbers!! Today is me most favoritest dialetic day of all!! Oh ho ho it is "Talk Like a Pirate Day" . . . which for those sadly not in the know, it is a day to talk like a regular old scallywag! Neato! Pretty much a hardy goodtime is guaranteed on such a day, as well, it's an excuse to drinker like a bloody pisser. Je t'aime.



I really like this photo because I look the lamest pirate evah and I practically have a quasi-pirate mullet . . . if that doesn't scare the peg leg right off of you, I don't know what will. God I need a sodding haircut/money.

Fetch me rum WENCHES!!

lucky foot, other rabbit

HOLIPISS!! I got the latest Dears album, A Gang of Losers, and ohhh my friends, it is so very good. I think I've played it about eleven-billion times already . . . mostly though because it's a joyful way to block out the sound of raging hammers on my roof. Roof construction is like a modern form of Chinese water torture . . . pretty much every half-an-hour or so my head explodes with rage and I shake my fist at the sky like a crotchety old man. Curse those meddling hammers I say!

Also maybe, since I have a blissful day off I have decided to treat myself to some Asian cinema goodtimes at the Metro cinema complete with a dash of back row creepiness. I need to buy myself a Warhol-esque wig so to complete my vision of pure back row perverseness. Ha! Jealous! Seriously, I will be the best of friends with Hiroshi Teshigahara and his avant-garde Japanese cinema and we will eat pocky and giggle and whatevs. Neat!

the zombie christ

So after a weekend of drunken debotchery and awesomeness abounds, I have returned to lovely academia. Oh ho ho, it shall be a semester of nerdy goodtimes with courses in Persian, human rights, globalization and Asian popular cinema . . . JOY!!! J'aime le ecole. Ohh my brothers, I love Persian because I get extra credit just for watching Kiarostami films . . . it feels the same to my heart as if someone agreed to pay me to play Zelda. That would be muthafucking amazing! Amazing I say!!

Seriously, I will start accepting offers for the Zelda AND I will throw in my friendship to sweeten the deal. It's a two-for-one in sheer Christmas Day miracles!!

Also of interest, is the fact that ever since the blessed Croc Hunter, Steve Irwin, met his untimely death, I have been having zombie nightmares. Every night the dreams become more disturbing and zombie-ridden, of which, has lead me to one conclusion . . . Steve Irwin is the sweet zombie messiah!!

Lord have mercy!

i heart nyc

Ladies and gents, I give you New York City . . . it's filthy and wonderful and I miss it terribly. Le sigh.

i want to grow up to be the harbinger of the apocalypse

Oh my muthafucking god!! Space Ghost is on right now!! SPPPPPAAAAACEEEE GHOOOOSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!11! My heart is exploding with glee right now as we speak . . . especially because it has Zorac's nephew Raymond, the lone Mantus of the Apocalypse. Amazing! Basically, it completes a wonderfully bizarre day which included me attending Sabbath dinner, of which, was awkward/fun as I am not Jewish and knew no one there . . . however, they were all drunk so I fit in just fine. Oh ho ho, shalom indeed!

total eclipse of the heart

I am an excited girl as the new Vogue fall fashion edition is out. This of course means I will be spending the next couple of hours pouring over the delicate pages of Vogue and my head exploding with glee!! I miss New York. I miss Miu Miu and Burberry and all the pretty, pretty things. Le sigh.



Maybe later today I will post some photos from Manhattan as I have yet to do that because I suck at life. Neat!

TO DA MOON!

to be completed with the rest of the world

After watching King Kong I have reminded myself why I should never, under any circumstances, watch any movie with dinosaurs in it around any living soul. Ohh god, I screamed and clapped my hands like a small child with autisism . . . there also may or may not have been raptor noises involved. le sigh, NERD!

Today was awesomeness abounds, namely, because I went out and got my school supplies for the rapidly approaching school semester. There is something about purchasing my color coded coil notebooks that fill my heart with glee . . . pathetic indeed. Ohhh Hilroy, I love you and your capacity to meet all my academic needs. Je t'aime. When you're a shut in you take the greatest joy in the smallest of things . . . jealous!

i'm a lumberjack and that's okay

Bleh, I am so retchedly bored and lonely right now. Namely, because the mombles is out of town so there is a lack of persons to torment in the house. I'm so lame it hurts my small intestine like fuck! Ohhh self-pitying mode abounds!

To pretend like I am rockstar awesome cool I am going to have a glass of wine whilest watching King Kong and talk to myself in a British accent that sounds suspiciously like John Cleese. Because he is awesome and it'll make me sound all sophisicated like. Oh ho ho! Jealous!



Why yes. Yes I did put on my sunglasses to make me feel more rockstar . . . ohhh snap!

futon woman!

Ohhh my brothers there is the most amazingest thunderstorm raging about outside. So to fully enjoy this Christmas Day miracle I am soon off to my deck to sit and watch the storm whilest listening to The Doors or Pink Floyd on real low and gentle and whatevs. It'll be awesome . . . that is until my ADHD kicks in and then I'll retire inside to watch THE MUTHAFUCKING EXORCIST ON A MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE! It will be awesome because a major case of the wiggins is the new black. Ha! Jealous!

Also the other day out and about with the Smeltrex and her boy, Lava, I happened to taken the most awesome emo Myspace photo of myself EVAH!! Katrina prepare yourself for your head to explode!!