chicken rot

Chicken has rotted my brain. How you may ask yourself? Oh my brothers, let me regail you in the horror of my day . . . in SONNET FORM!!!

Chicken Fantasia
by Robotron Chelsey

Oh Chicken how I hate thee
Let me count the ways . . .

Through ways of nasty deception,
upon my salad made of pasta goodness
you embarked.
Oh you nasty shrew.

Shredded so fine, you hide from all to see.
Seriously, are thou freaking microscopic?

It has been four years since you have trespassed into my gastric netherland.
Oh! Four years free of your icy grip.
You were a harsh mistress,
I refutted your sadistic ways cold turkey.
(Turkey puns I make because I am lame)

Now chicken rots my insides,
poisoned by your meaty ways.
I lament the day we were introduced, it hurts my insides.
No wait, my insides ache from you!

Precious porcelian bowl,
we have waltzed many times.
Today you are splashed with carrot bits and bile,
it's all that chicken's fault.

Oh! My porcelian bowl, je regret.
I promise that vengance shall be had,
upon the worrisome foe.
I now know thy enemy, its name is chicken.

Has your taste for bloodshed been quenched?
Are thou satisfied?
Bitch.

Color me STUNNED

Call me chalk full of crazy, but me thinks I am writing in this blog strictly for myself. My insides hurt . . . why can't I be an online supastar?! It is an audience of ONE!!!

My audience smells funny.

THE NEW SUPERAMAZING DIET CRAZE!!!!!11!1

Ohhh prepare yourselves for the greatest new diet!!! Dr. Wieffelschall's Supremely Amazing Diet of Sunshine-Puppy Greatness!!! Lose those extra pounds, inches and precious braincells.

HOW YOU SAY??! Prepare yourself for Greatness!!

Dr. Wieffelschall's Supremely Amazing Diet of Sunshine-Puppy Greatness consists of a simple dietary regime followed by a low-energy exerise routine. Basically, it's a diet of simplistic ease, just follow these simple steps:

Diet:
Caffiene is your only friend. It is important to remember that CAFFIENE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES YOU!!! Essentially, all you can consume is coffee. I'm not talking about that chicken-shit water you call quick-perk coffee, the Dr. Wieffelschall's diet is based heavily around the obscene consumption of triple espresso. Nothing else will suffice.

Exercise:
This is the easy part. After consuming such an abhorant amount of caffiene, you will shake all the unwanted pounds away. As an added bonus, you won't be able to sleep for days on end, the near-comatose state that will ensue afterwards will prevent any unwanted craving for real nourishment. HOLY COW!!! EASINESS ABOUNDS!

Enjoy my friends!!! March onwards to the future of the new malnourished you!! Egads! How svelte you look!

***Warning: This diet contains no actual nutritional basis. It can cause undetermined amounts of brain-damage, and god-knows what else . . . enjoy!!!

the things you do for posting rights

well, thank you Matt Good *sarcasm*. Now I have a blog. Not really sure how I feel about that, mostly a vast inconvenience. Such is life or my apparent lack therefore.

Looking at that first line, it looks like Mr. Good and I are friends. Really, it's rather brilliant. I think, just maybe, me and Matthew, my new bestest buddy, shall go hit the mall.

Oh precious illusions.