bonjour

THIS!!!

tuna fish

I've been dreaming a lot lately , it's nice as I went through a year of murky figures, washes of grey . . . nothing was really concrete or memorable in my dreams. It was kind of depressing as since as far back as I can remember I have had really bitching dreams, I've been John Luc Bacard, I fought Godzilla, my best friend was impregnated by Tony Danza and danced with My Little Ponys . . . pretty much amazing!

I started dreaming again, or at least, remembering my dreams. However, what is fascinating about my latest bout of dreams is they are all so vivid and real. I dream of my cat. My little nona cat visits me every night, it's an utterly ordinary but truly wonderful. The stuff that dreams should be made of.

Goddammit I miss that crazy old cat.

accoustics

I was about to go to bed when for the first time in quite a while I am actually feeling compelled to post. Huzzah! Namely, this is because an accusation of the dear schmeltie of me not being 'real' enough lately in my sporadic posts. So, in honor of the schmeltrex, away we go . . . random facts about me:

1. I cry a lot . . . perhaps more than any normal person should. Seriously, I'm like a fucking faucet of sobbing goodtimes, but here's the fun bit, it's normally due to obscenely ill-timed laughter . . . that and pretty much I cry while watching movies. It really doesn't matter what movie it is, at some point, rest assured, I will be crying like a baby. I mean, honestly, I cried many times over in 28 Days Later for fuck's sake!

2. I am convinced that when I am older I will honestly have some impact in the world . . . it does seem unfortunate that it is likely due to my insanity rather than any sort of genius. However, I really do like to cling to the fact that I might be capable of doing something good with my focus in academics . . . this fact often makes me feel like a walking academic clinche.

3. I really believe in true love despite having never experienced first hand. That is, unless, you count my nearly decade-old love of Matthew Good . . . truly, ours is a love that will transcend all time.

4. Sometimes when I'm alone, and by sometimes I mean like all the time, I narrate my life with a British accent . . . if I'm cooking food I sound like Julie goddamn Andrews!! This talking outloud British bit is mostly prominant when I am driving . . . that's where I do all my best thinking. Essentially, the car is my secret place to sort out all my worries and bothers, me and my British self hash out conversations that will potentially end my anxieties . . . mostly these conversations revolve around mock job interviews, grad school schemes and applications. It's that or I just dance . . . A LOT!

5. Finally, I truly believe that running around in an empty house with the music cranked, dancing in my underwear, is the closest I will ever come to having to a religious experience . . . honestly, it's bloody amazing! And all the whilest I'm dancing and running around, I'm laughing like a sodding banshee . . . I highly recommend this and it should be done as often as humanly possible.

SCREW THE BANK I WORK FOR!! SCREW THE BANK!! *dances*

sweet, sweet disco bulge

So I am pretty much excited as I am in the process of writing my last paper for the semester . . . of course, being true to my nature I waited until the last possible moment to sit down and write. Go out with a bang, mon freres, not a whimper.

This paper, however impossible writing it is seeming to be, has so far been fun and goodtimes abounds as it basically legitmized me watching "Sholay" about fifty-bazillion times. Oh ho ho, it is so very good to my heart. Also, due to the obscene watching of said film I also decided to purchase it . . . ohhh yes, my friends, I am now the proud owner a 70's western Bollywood film. Chest hair, Canadian tuxedos and disco bulge! Oh my!

Jealous!

corporate responsibility is for fools and liberals!

Le sigh. It appears that tonight I will be a goodtimes kind-of-gal . . . that is if goodtimes means an all-nighter and kind-of-gal is code for please fucking kill me now. Honestly, I hate the final paper push especially when I am tired and devoid of ideas and whatevs. Heyyy who wants to write a paper for me on the impact of Trans-national corporations on human rights?! *jazzy hands*

How could anyone ever say no to jazzy hands?! Oh also maybe it was due yesterday, so could you also provide me with a time machine and a bottle of liquid courage?

Thanks! Byeee!

adventures in awesomeness

Hallo my brothers. Ohh last night was fun and goodtimes abounds! The Dears were in town and put on a rather enjoyable show as it were. It didn't hold the same frantic energy that I have come to expect and love from my precious Dears . . . perhaps it had something to do with the fact that Murray was sober, and therefore, had the capacity to stand up/remember his lines. I'm not going to lie, some of the magic was in the twinkle of drunken Murray's eye.





TO DA MOON!!!

hungry for the sun

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks in memory . . . it's been exhausting and cruel. I lost my cat this week, I had her for 19 years. She was my association of home . . . she's gone and with her that feeling of belonging and fit. I always told people that she was going to live forever and as silly as it sounds, I really had convinced myself that this was, in fact, a possibility.

I need something good to happen. Just a little kindness, that's all.

in view

Ohhh it's that dreadful time of midterm papers, and therefore, busyness abounds mon freres!! I have pretty much spent the last couple of weeks locked in academia and it's still not over. Fortunetely, thanks to some friends excellently timed birthdays it means a whole lot of drinking to numb the pain.



Oh ho ho, yes it was the schmeltie's birthday on Saturday which means that I was a drunken mess of awesomeness. Also maybe, it is michelle's birthday this coming Friday which means more birthday schnanagin fun! Fuck you acadamia, I have a new love, thy name is Gato Blanco Sauvignon Blanc and we are the best of friends. We wear snotty french berets and laugh at those who are not nearly as snotty as we are . . . and that, my friends, is a whole lot of muthafuckers!

Is it sad that I have managed to convince myself that since the Tragically Hip are coming to town within the week of my 22nd birthday, that is quite obvious that they are coming to town exclusively to celebrate the birth of me?! Could it be any more obvious!! The other 9,999 people that will see the Hip really are just lucky to join my brithday festivities! YAYA!

ADD isn't just for the hipster scum anymore! Neat!

this originates from the heart

So my mom has decided to nickname me "poot fruit" which is unsettling and creepy . . . it's derived from the phrase "fruit of my loins" and it's reason 1 bazillion hundred why my mom is the coolest muthafucker in the world.

I haven't posted in two weeks because I haven't done anything except for cram more Persian into my brain . . . oh that and I have developed an obsession with cutting my bangs. I've cut them 3 times in the last 2 days . . . I'll have a mullet by Saturday! Neat!

. . . I need a life.

At least I have Jason Collett on Friday and a bright mullet-alious future to look forward to this week! le sigh. Also maybe I will take photos at Jason Collett so that my site isn't riddled with photos of me. Alas, until that time I present you with this gem . . . BANGS!!!



Khodau Hafez bitches!!

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Arrr ye salty landlubbers!! Today is me most favoritest dialetic day of all!! Oh ho ho it is "Talk Like a Pirate Day" . . . which for those sadly not in the know, it is a day to talk like a regular old scallywag! Neato! Pretty much a hardy goodtime is guaranteed on such a day, as well, it's an excuse to drinker like a bloody pisser. Je t'aime.



I really like this photo because I look the lamest pirate evah and I practically have a quasi-pirate mullet . . . if that doesn't scare the peg leg right off of you, I don't know what will. God I need a sodding haircut/money.

Fetch me rum WENCHES!!

lucky foot, other rabbit

HOLIPISS!! I got the latest Dears album, A Gang of Losers, and ohhh my friends, it is so very good. I think I've played it about eleven-billion times already . . . mostly though because it's a joyful way to block out the sound of raging hammers on my roof. Roof construction is like a modern form of Chinese water torture . . . pretty much every half-an-hour or so my head explodes with rage and I shake my fist at the sky like a crotchety old man. Curse those meddling hammers I say!

Also maybe, since I have a blissful day off I have decided to treat myself to some Asian cinema goodtimes at the Metro cinema complete with a dash of back row creepiness. I need to buy myself a Warhol-esque wig so to complete my vision of pure back row perverseness. Ha! Jealous! Seriously, I will be the best of friends with Hiroshi Teshigahara and his avant-garde Japanese cinema and we will eat pocky and giggle and whatevs. Neat!

the zombie christ

So after a weekend of drunken debotchery and awesomeness abounds, I have returned to lovely academia. Oh ho ho, it shall be a semester of nerdy goodtimes with courses in Persian, human rights, globalization and Asian popular cinema . . . JOY!!! J'aime le ecole. Ohh my brothers, I love Persian because I get extra credit just for watching Kiarostami films . . . it feels the same to my heart as if someone agreed to pay me to play Zelda. That would be muthafucking amazing! Amazing I say!!

Seriously, I will start accepting offers for the Zelda AND I will throw in my friendship to sweeten the deal. It's a two-for-one in sheer Christmas Day miracles!!

Also of interest, is the fact that ever since the blessed Croc Hunter, Steve Irwin, met his untimely death, I have been having zombie nightmares. Every night the dreams become more disturbing and zombie-ridden, of which, has lead me to one conclusion . . . Steve Irwin is the sweet zombie messiah!!

Lord have mercy!

i heart nyc

Ladies and gents, I give you New York City . . . it's filthy and wonderful and I miss it terribly. Le sigh.

i want to grow up to be the harbinger of the apocalypse

Oh my muthafucking god!! Space Ghost is on right now!! SPPPPPAAAAACEEEE GHOOOOSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!11! My heart is exploding with glee right now as we speak . . . especially because it has Zorac's nephew Raymond, the lone Mantus of the Apocalypse. Amazing! Basically, it completes a wonderfully bizarre day which included me attending Sabbath dinner, of which, was awkward/fun as I am not Jewish and knew no one there . . . however, they were all drunk so I fit in just fine. Oh ho ho, shalom indeed!

total eclipse of the heart

I am an excited girl as the new Vogue fall fashion edition is out. This of course means I will be spending the next couple of hours pouring over the delicate pages of Vogue and my head exploding with glee!! I miss New York. I miss Miu Miu and Burberry and all the pretty, pretty things. Le sigh.



Maybe later today I will post some photos from Manhattan as I have yet to do that because I suck at life. Neat!

TO DA MOON!

to be completed with the rest of the world

After watching King Kong I have reminded myself why I should never, under any circumstances, watch any movie with dinosaurs in it around any living soul. Ohh god, I screamed and clapped my hands like a small child with autisism . . . there also may or may not have been raptor noises involved. le sigh, NERD!

Today was awesomeness abounds, namely, because I went out and got my school supplies for the rapidly approaching school semester. There is something about purchasing my color coded coil notebooks that fill my heart with glee . . . pathetic indeed. Ohhh Hilroy, I love you and your capacity to meet all my academic needs. Je t'aime. When you're a shut in you take the greatest joy in the smallest of things . . . jealous!

i'm a lumberjack and that's okay

Bleh, I am so retchedly bored and lonely right now. Namely, because the mombles is out of town so there is a lack of persons to torment in the house. I'm so lame it hurts my small intestine like fuck! Ohhh self-pitying mode abounds!

To pretend like I am rockstar awesome cool I am going to have a glass of wine whilest watching King Kong and talk to myself in a British accent that sounds suspiciously like John Cleese. Because he is awesome and it'll make me sound all sophisicated like. Oh ho ho! Jealous!



Why yes. Yes I did put on my sunglasses to make me feel more rockstar . . . ohhh snap!

futon woman!

Ohhh my brothers there is the most amazingest thunderstorm raging about outside. So to fully enjoy this Christmas Day miracle I am soon off to my deck to sit and watch the storm whilest listening to The Doors or Pink Floyd on real low and gentle and whatevs. It'll be awesome . . . that is until my ADHD kicks in and then I'll retire inside to watch THE MUTHAFUCKING EXORCIST ON A MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE! It will be awesome because a major case of the wiggins is the new black. Ha! Jealous!

Also the other day out and about with the Smeltrex and her boy, Lava, I happened to taken the most awesome emo Myspace photo of myself EVAH!! Katrina prepare yourself for your head to explode!!

pysanka? more like lamesanka!

This last week has been one of joy and splender! My two most favoritest things!! Firstly, I finished off my time in New York with fun and goodtimes . . . namely, I saw a little thing called the French Kicks at the Bowery Ballroom. Ohhh j'aime French Kicks . . . excuse me whilest I swoon. The rest of the time in the Big Apple was spent with my little compatriots, Jamez and Cindy Loo. Fun and goodtimes abounds!

I returned Wednesday to my blessed Edmonton, a bipolar kitty and an disinterested dog and all the normallities of the life of me. It feels bizarre to have been doing crazy things for three weeks and then return right back to the grind . . . where was my gradual rehabilitation to real life bits or whatevs?! Although to make me feel less with the fish-out-of-water bit, my friends took me to Vegreville on Saturday. Upon which they proceeded to get me drunk by noon and then took me by the giant egg . . . lude comments were made regarding the pysanka. I was an asshole tourist, it brought me back to better times. That and I got to eat caramel apples under tractors to pass the time!! Ha! Jealous!



Also I did this yesterday!! SHABAMM!!!



Now I can look artistic and moody like all the time!! All the muthafucking time I say! Neat!

incurring the old lady wrath

So last night I was a total rage-aholic at this poor Welsh bloke. His snoring sounded like a drunk rhinosaurus with imploded innerds was struggling to cling onto its fading life . . . essentially it was deeply annoying and wanted nothing more than for him to sod off and die! Everytime the poor bastard would disrupt my sleep (through my blessed ear plugs) I would get up and shake him until he woke up and then proceeded to shoot lazerbeams out of my eyes. I did this every half an hour with no avail. le sigh. I am exhausted and bitter and resentful and what not.

Basically I want to destroy all things that are snoring and noisy beasts when I am trying to sleep because I am old and sleep is one of my greatest joys.

Today I plan on thrift shopping across Manhattan . . . apparently right near by my hostel there are some really nifty thift shops of which I will become the best of friends with and we will live happily evah after. Sorry schmeltie that means you are out because fashion has no muthafucking mercy!!

I am off for good times and adventure!! Take care all my little poppets!