Call me chalk full of crazy, but me thinks I am writing in this blog strictly for myself. My insides hurt . . . why can't I be an online supastar?! It is an audience of ONE!!!
My audience smells funny.
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c'est moi
- chelsey
- Hallo! I'm a third year political science student, from which I have developed an obsession with the Middle East and Islamic politics. le sigh. I have a rock out face like none other . . . it involves me grinning like a fool, eventually it turns into a grimace, which is awesome and horrifying. My grin has been know to split the coast in half and is the source of all things neat and disastery. Clearly, I am the least self-obsessed person EVAH! Lately, I have been obsessed with looking like a Russian peasant girl . . . fuck you hipsters! Tight jeans are out and poverty is in! Also, sometimes, I enjoy taking pictures of random things and calling it "art" . . . it's a trick to fool the masses into thinking my reclusive manner is due to overwhelming artyness and not a mental disorder. Neat! Plus when you're artistic you can be moody and weird and it's endearing, so basically everyone has to love me. Oh yes. I hate zombies and I've pretty much convinced myself that I have ADD .
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That reminds me of the time my thirteenth wife, Ginger and I vacationed on the resort planet of Squantoon 7. We had just finished watching a rousing match of Wumpturian lacerating snurgbeast wrestling, and were basking in the suns on the beach when the cabana slug approached us with our drinks, a flaming Gordondian ice ale for my beautiful wife and a brimming mug of Scurdozian slunk ale with a mucus oozing flurg cube garnish for myself. Now, my faithful cadets, anyone who knows anything about our courageous captain knows that i am highly allergic to flurgs. Most generally I am a patient man, but this marked the 14th time that this particular cabana slug had botched my drink order. Upon seeing his most recent blunder I became horribly enraged and flung myself on top of the poor unsuspecting invertibrate and commenced in ripping him into 16 or 17 incompetent cabana slug offspring that scattered across the beach fleeing for safety before I could bless him with grandchildren. As a result of this incident and many other past occurences i was banned (and quite unjustly I might add) from ever setting foot on Squantoon 7 again. Such is the rich and abundant cornucopia of adventure that is my life.....
This is Captain Walrus signing off, and bidding you all a fruitful journey through the universe of life
WOW!!! That had no relation to anything. Ever. Basically, it was AMAZING!!! Gnome Chunksky and I would like to thank you.
And for that matter, I would like to thank the Academy.
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