highly abnormal shark-like fish

To compensate for my lack of New Year's Eve plans, I intend to spend my evening sewing miracles whilst watching Bill Murray movies . . . this means goodtimes with The Life Aquatic, Lost in Translation and Rushmore, or so the plan goes. Knowing me, I'll get through the Life Aquatic and be filled with an overwhelming desire to stitch 'Z's on everything . . . it will be like an cocaine lost evening only with yarn and less narcotics.

The following is my one and only New Year's resolution: learn to play Dungeons and Dragons like one mean muthafucker! Oh ho ho, I will be a Dungeon Master before the month is up!!

the return of phasoom the magnificent

Oh my brothers, last night was pretty much amazing. I was hit with the typical fever of boredom that follows a particularly lush festivus, there is no more chocolate, rum or mashed potatoes left . . . I am a shell of a person without such wonderous things.

To battle the upcoming depression I could feel lurking in my gullet, I meandered downstairs in search of adventure . . . there it was, could it be any more obvious?!?! Phasoom the Magnificent, the sewing machine of wonder and unicorns or whatevs!! It was love, my brothers, it just felt right. Pretty much what was to follow is now recorded in the history books of fucking amazingness. Not only did I make a purse but it didn't suck, and it had a liner which also didn't suck!!! But also, it looks fucking amazing!!! It shall be named the 'Rory' Purse because just like Rory's conception on the Gilmore Girls, it was a surprise that resulted in great and many things!! Namely, something to distract me every Tuesday night. Ha! I AM THE MASTER OF MUTHAFUCKING SEWING CHIC!

Oh ho ho!! And to add to the creative splendor, I figured out what to do on my looming 21st birthday besides the whole drinking drank drunk bit. Wait for it . . . THE INDIE ROCK DISCO!!! It's once a week at the Velvet Underground and it happens to be on my birthday. So if one can't be in Germany on their birthday at least you can do what the Germans do, and that my friends, is to muthafucking rock out! Oh my dancing shoes will be a grooving that night.

Happiness, my brothers, consists of a little thing called disco groove. That and a whole lot of drinking.

i heart alcoholism

Ha! It's a good thing I've been drunk since 1 in the afternoon considering that I have to work at 6 in the friggin morning tomorrow . . . spending the majority of the day drinking yourself drunk is a sign of a muthafucking good one!!!

you, me and the bottle makes three

Ha! A post! It's a Christmas miracle.

Ohh my precious brothers, it has been a week of drunken festivus debotchery. It's been a long standing family tradition to spend the entire holiday in a completely awesome stupor. HOLYPISS!!! I live up to the Scottish heritage with all the rum consumed and whatnot. I could fucking drink Yeltsin under the bloody table!

It was a week of fun and goodtimes and the haul was plentiful. Amongst some of the amazingly great things was a whole ton of organic teas, a Planet Organic tote bag and Balkan Ghosts, a book I have been pining after since Christ was a child . . . all of these things lead to a very happy Chelsey. Now all I need is a whole shwack of Raymi goods and all will be right with my material world. Well, that and my new camera which is close to fruition. Ohhhh, mon freres, je suis tres excited to have a camera again. It will be pretty and beautiful and I will rule the world with my camera of awesomeness!!! I shall name it Rupert and I will love it because it is my Rupert. le sigh.

To complete the festivus celebration, I am enjoying some Bowie and some very tight tights. Ohhhh Labyrinth, you please me so. Honestly, that movie must have been supported by the friggin glitter industry . . . it's me, Labyrinth and a whole lot of rum. oh yes.

Peace out homeslices.

kick them straight in the face

Ha! I am a girl of drunk tonight . . . oh yes, the drunk is on, and yes, goodtimes. Also, COMMAS!! You are jealous and that's okay. Mostly, I am excited because in my weakened state I managed to remember my blog login junk or whatevs. I am the muthafucking champion!!

I am currently writing about schmelty as it has been threatened that a post without the scmelt in her home is equal to a swift kick to the face. Oh what a state I am in . . . The evil Schmeltrex likes to prepare her drink with drunken miscalculations, it's like "would you like some coke with your muthafucking rum?" DANG!!

Off to the great adventures that await us in Riverbend. TO DA MOON!!!

blog it like it's hot

ohhh my, one exam left and my brain is reeling. Fortunetely, the easiest exam is saved for last so I only require a small portion of my head to function properly. le sigh. I am a tired girl. Actual posting to come later . . . I'll regale you, my lovelys, with how I blugeoned an A & B sound guy to death for withholding my camera beyond the 60 days. Or not. Whatevs.

i'll give you a winter of humanity

Ohh my lovely brothers, I just got back from a walk of greatness around abounds town. It was pretty much amazing as it was uber-windy . . . with all the billowlyness I felt like a muthafucking superhero!!! Amazing!!

Aside from my superhero revelation, I was also hit with an amazing epiphany thanks to Smeltrex. Santa is cleary a communist. Could it be anymore obvious!!! He hands out presents to worker's children, the elves are clearly unionized and the red suit, it all adds up to one jolly fucking pinko! I loves it.

the pole of grievances

So I've been running around all day looking white-trash/rock n' roll fantastic, it's all ruined now because I have to go to friggin work. Dang! Just to make things even more lame, I have to wear this monster of a company shirt to celebrate the holidays . . . I am going to smash my face against the wall until I lose conscienceness.

Seriously, I want to speak to the small Euroasian child that is responsible for stitching this shirt. It was clearly designed to fit a small demographic of individuals whose arms have been removed and gorilla limbs have been surgically grafted on the empty sockets of the torso . . . hallo graphic!!

The only thing I can take solace in is that if I push the sleeves up to my elbows it's like a bad 80's flashback. This of course means only one thing, I'm putting on the muthafucking Madonna "Hung Up" and annoying the crap out of The Mombles.

Peace out.

ce doit être amour

ohh today was a day of glory! It was the first day with no school, I lived out today in sheer ignorance of the looming doom of my exams . . . it was lovely to not care for a day. The day was filled with niceities like doing an obscene amount of laundry and watching Batman Begins for the eleventy-bazillionith time. le sigh. The John Lennon tribute I was watching is now rolling the credits. To complete my lovely day, I'm off to make myself a greek salad of greatness and then go for a walk. My Broken Social Scene cd shall accompany me, walking hand in hand as lovers do.

I feel the warm welcoming glow of laziness take me over. I'm content.

j'aime le crafts

So the Grand Bazaar was pretty much amazing! I loves me craft shows.

It was fun and goodtimes abounds. I walked into the studio, it smelled of mulled cider, leather and cigarette smoke . . . it was the musk of hipsters. There was a small jazz band set up in the corner, rocking out that far out sound. I always regret hearing a good local band and then proceeding to be such a dink that I forget to ask their name. This was one of those times and I am friggin idiot! Even better than the sound was the visual art greatness that overwhelmed the space. Purses, buttons and photography, oh my!! I was in crafty heaven and now I'm off to enjoy all my new things of wonder and joy.

i am the fucking kildeer

Ohhhh today will be a day of glory . . . it's my first day off in like forevah!! To ensure that I fully utilize this awesomeness, I am filling my day with my most favoritest things: Kenny vs. Spenny, some hardy rock out time has been booked and best of all The Grand Bazaar is today. Basically, I am an exicted girl enjoying the sheer awesomeness of slackassery.

This week I was on the cusp of zombification, I don't think I have ever been so bloody wore out. Needless to say, many a good times came out of this . . . mostly me sobbing at the most inapproperiate moments. I choked on a mint, my coffee tasted bad and we were out of pita shells, all of which were followed a brief pitiful bout of amazingness! Honestly, me and sleep deprivation are a match made in heaven.

HOLYPISS!!! Kenny and Spenny are making out and I have a Bazaar to attend too!! Peace out muthafuckers!