Oh ho ho! I was drunk as a swarmy bastard last night. Drunkedy drunk drunk drunk! What amazing things you discover when you are drunk.
Anyways, I feel it necessary to record all the retarded things I did. The intention being that next time the tequila worm calls to me, in the traditional worm form of dirty limericks, I will recall what an ass I am!
Amazing drunk realizations:
-apparently I am amphibious. I am made of part frog, part human. Truely, it is a necessary hybrid given that I live -in- the river . . . Or so I told the obscenely drunk Native kid, Shane, at the park. Ah, Shane, he was a good kid.
-pizza is good at all hours of the morning. It is particularly good when it has been sitting on the ground outside by the firepit for hours and has taken on a particular ashy desposition. Can you feel your mouth begin to salavate?
-under no social circumstances should one admit that they know all the words to the Charmin' jingle. Seriously, no good can come of this. Picture it. I imagine that my drunken Charmin' dance could be as huge as the Star Wars kid of greatness!
-when you wish upon a shooting star, keep in mind that you are not the original one to wish for such a miracle. I swear the waiting list for a night with Colin Farrell and his penis must be a bloody mile long!
-drunkeness is the mother of invention. When entertainment is lacking, just abuse your sexuality. Apparently, nothing makes me more excited than watching drunken strangers do a sexy shimmy for me! Nothing is better!
-The "water sprinkler" is an approperiate dance move in all situations . . . even without music it is a great ice breaker! It is particularly hot when you coordinate the sprinkler with another person so inclined to be amazingly cool!
I am a classy lady, what can I say?
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