incurring the old lady wrath

So last night I was a total rage-aholic at this poor Welsh bloke. His snoring sounded like a drunk rhinosaurus with imploded innerds was struggling to cling onto its fading life . . . essentially it was deeply annoying and wanted nothing more than for him to sod off and die! Everytime the poor bastard would disrupt my sleep (through my blessed ear plugs) I would get up and shake him until he woke up and then proceeded to shoot lazerbeams out of my eyes. I did this every half an hour with no avail. le sigh. I am exhausted and bitter and resentful and what not.

Basically I want to destroy all things that are snoring and noisy beasts when I am trying to sleep because I am old and sleep is one of my greatest joys.

Today I plan on thrift shopping across Manhattan . . . apparently right near by my hostel there are some really nifty thift shops of which I will become the best of friends with and we will live happily evah after. Sorry schmeltie that means you are out because fashion has no muthafucking mercy!!

I am off for good times and adventure!! Take care all my little poppets!

prime minister is another term for colonial domination

Ohhh my goodness the last week in New York has been a bloody gong show!! I have made some crazy little hostel buddies, of which, are the source of all things trouble and fun-like or whatevs.

Basically, I have spent the last few days doing small touristy things in the morning followed by some serious shopping to get the cheesy taste of tourism off of my palate. Cursed Sephora!! I have spent so much there and I have only been here for one week! The shopping is then met up with some dinner and drinks with my hostel friends . . . the British combined with Canadians is a fine fit for a good evening. It's especially awesome when they can use the awesome powers of a posh accent to wrangle us free drinks and in the case of last night a free ride in a limo to a club in the Meatpacking District!! HOLIPISS!!

Last night was quite possibly the most bizarre evening as Katrina ended up chatting up some random guys on a patio which promptly lead to him calling his limo to give us a ride to a club on the opposite end of town . . . I looked like a total banshee freak when the car actually pulled up!! Ohhh my, indeed! Following that was some drunken goodtimes discussing the colonial aspects of Canadian culture and politics and whatevs . . . ohhh NERDS!

Peace out my little homeslices!

walking with a swagger

Hallo my brothers!! I am currently posting from the GREAT BEYOND . . . that or New York City or whatevs. Ohhh my, I love it here so much it makes my heart explode with glee and my intestines gush nothing but love.

The flight here was a bloody gong show as I am a pent-up banshee who sobbed like a small child upon saying farewell to my mother . . . there was mockery via the airline staff. Neat! However I managed to survive the flight despite horrifying visions of snakes on the plane! MUTHAFUCKER! The greatest part about arriving is the discovering that humidity is the devil, and therefore by default, all things to do with the subway and it's delicious AC is wonderful and radtacular.

Last night was also awash with goodtimes and grossness . . . a seemingly intimate pair in Manhattan. I went with a crazy Danish lady from the hostel to a rap festival down by the Brooklyn Bridge . . . ohh yes it was fun and goodtimes abounds! Namely, because the band was the Sugar Hill Cult of the rapping grandma in the Wedding Singer fame. It was friggin' awesome! After the concert and plenty of beer, Mei and I walked across to the pier to the Bodies exhibit which is the producer of the wiggins and all things creepy-like . . . so many bodies in a small, small space. It was interesting/vomit inducing. Naturally, of course, despite it being an exhibit of sheer creepiness it didn't stop me from laughing like a banshee when I noticed that the penis of one of the bodies was missing . . . ohhh social awkwardness bless your soul.

Anyways friends and Romans, I am off to seek adventure or perhaps some nice Channa Masala.

TO DA MOON!

take my friendship gold

I feel like Goro, of Mortal Kombat fame, has ripped out my spine, slammed it repeatedly against the wall and then put it back into my body.

Basically, I desperately want more pain meds for my crippled spine, and more so, I really want to be playing some bloody Mortal Kombat II . . . which, let's be honest here was the greatest of all!! Namely, because I had discovered an awesome attack with the purple fan-blade chick that practically let me destroy the muthafucking world! Ohhhh NERD!

Despite my literal lameness I am looking forward to the next following days because I get to hang out with my favoritest of brothers: le b and the grand schmeltrex. Also since espresso is involved I will be the happiest of girls . . . my grin will split the coast in half. Also on the list of happy things is the fact in exactly one week I will be on my way to New York!! Ohhh ho ho urban bliss!! Unfortunetely that leaves me with a week to figure out which CDs are vital to my happiness for three weeks . . . it is pretty sad that my greatest stress about leaving revolves around compiling my music collection into 3 weeks worth of awesomeness. Ummm so far I've determined I need all things Matthew Good, The Velvet Underground and The Flaming Lips . . . after that it's all jumbled-like and difficult and whatevs.

My babysssssss I loves them all!!!

scowling from the darkest corner

Ohhh it is a time of sheer glee! GLEE I SAY!! Everything has come together to formulate the most perfectly radtacular evening . . . namely, C.R.A.Z.Y. finally came out on DVD, of which, I now righteously have in my possession. Oh yes, it's French Canadian cinema at it's finest! I command everyone to watch it or suffer my wrath. THAT or maybe I'll just paint my face up all Bowie-like and scowl at you from the darkest of corners . . . picture it: the mullet, the lightening bolt, the horror.

Also I have found a 7-11 that carries banana slurpees which tastes like a liquid banana medicine fantasy come true (of which I have several). So now I shall commence my liquid sugar banana slurpee diet . . . it will either kill me or make me a God. I'll hoping for the latter.



I look like a pile of white-trash retardation . . . AWESOME!!!

Je regret.

sitting in the parking lot

Awesome!! Just plain awesomeness!! A documentary is on right now about Hitler's final days in the bunker . . . ohhh soo fascinating. Naturally, I've read the accounts of the last days within the bunker but this has film! RANDOM FILM STOCK WITH NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL TOPIC!!!! "Look that guy said something about a tree!! Cue random war film stock with a tree in it!" Oh ho ho, World War II film stock, you crazy old bastard, je t'aime.

. . . it's a good thing school is starting quasi-soon as I am desperately in need for excuses to read books about Hitler and Stalin. For some reason or another people look at you like you're one sick muthafucker when you leisurely read books about dictators. World War II is the hostess with the mostest, okay?!!?! Currently, I have a Stalin biography calling out my name from my bookshelf . . . it tells me in a thick Georgian accent that it is full of interesting facts about the crazy little bugger and whispers sweet drunken paranoid nothings in my ear.

le sigh, I apparently need to get a life. I think that maybe people should email me [chelsaurusrex@hotmail.com] because I am bored, of which, I shall respond with witty banter or rap songs or dead baby jokes or whatevs. Ohhh snap, I'm bored.