sweet, sweet disco bulge

So I am pretty much excited as I am in the process of writing my last paper for the semester . . . of course, being true to my nature I waited until the last possible moment to sit down and write. Go out with a bang, mon freres, not a whimper.

This paper, however impossible writing it is seeming to be, has so far been fun and goodtimes abounds as it basically legitmized me watching "Sholay" about fifty-bazillion times. Oh ho ho, it is so very good to my heart. Also, due to the obscene watching of said film I also decided to purchase it . . . ohhh yes, my friends, I am now the proud owner a 70's western Bollywood film. Chest hair, Canadian tuxedos and disco bulge! Oh my!

Jealous!

corporate responsibility is for fools and liberals!

Le sigh. It appears that tonight I will be a goodtimes kind-of-gal . . . that is if goodtimes means an all-nighter and kind-of-gal is code for please fucking kill me now. Honestly, I hate the final paper push especially when I am tired and devoid of ideas and whatevs. Heyyy who wants to write a paper for me on the impact of Trans-national corporations on human rights?! *jazzy hands*

How could anyone ever say no to jazzy hands?! Oh also maybe it was due yesterday, so could you also provide me with a time machine and a bottle of liquid courage?

Thanks! Byeee!

adventures in awesomeness

Hallo my brothers. Ohh last night was fun and goodtimes abounds! The Dears were in town and put on a rather enjoyable show as it were. It didn't hold the same frantic energy that I have come to expect and love from my precious Dears . . . perhaps it had something to do with the fact that Murray was sober, and therefore, had the capacity to stand up/remember his lines. I'm not going to lie, some of the magic was in the twinkle of drunken Murray's eye.





TO DA MOON!!!

hungry for the sun

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks in memory . . . it's been exhausting and cruel. I lost my cat this week, I had her for 19 years. She was my association of home . . . she's gone and with her that feeling of belonging and fit. I always told people that she was going to live forever and as silly as it sounds, I really had convinced myself that this was, in fact, a possibility.

I need something good to happen. Just a little kindness, that's all.

in view

Ohhh it's that dreadful time of midterm papers, and therefore, busyness abounds mon freres!! I have pretty much spent the last couple of weeks locked in academia and it's still not over. Fortunetely, thanks to some friends excellently timed birthdays it means a whole lot of drinking to numb the pain.



Oh ho ho, yes it was the schmeltie's birthday on Saturday which means that I was a drunken mess of awesomeness. Also maybe, it is michelle's birthday this coming Friday which means more birthday schnanagin fun! Fuck you acadamia, I have a new love, thy name is Gato Blanco Sauvignon Blanc and we are the best of friends. We wear snotty french berets and laugh at those who are not nearly as snotty as we are . . . and that, my friends, is a whole lot of muthafuckers!

Is it sad that I have managed to convince myself that since the Tragically Hip are coming to town within the week of my 22nd birthday, that is quite obvious that they are coming to town exclusively to celebrate the birth of me?! Could it be any more obvious!! The other 9,999 people that will see the Hip really are just lucky to join my brithday festivities! YAYA!

ADD isn't just for the hipster scum anymore! Neat!

this originates from the heart

So my mom has decided to nickname me "poot fruit" which is unsettling and creepy . . . it's derived from the phrase "fruit of my loins" and it's reason 1 bazillion hundred why my mom is the coolest muthafucker in the world.

I haven't posted in two weeks because I haven't done anything except for cram more Persian into my brain . . . oh that and I have developed an obsession with cutting my bangs. I've cut them 3 times in the last 2 days . . . I'll have a mullet by Saturday! Neat!

. . . I need a life.

At least I have Jason Collett on Friday and a bright mullet-alious future to look forward to this week! le sigh. Also maybe I will take photos at Jason Collett so that my site isn't riddled with photos of me. Alas, until that time I present you with this gem . . . BANGS!!!



Khodau Hafez bitches!!

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Arrr ye salty landlubbers!! Today is me most favoritest dialetic day of all!! Oh ho ho it is "Talk Like a Pirate Day" . . . which for those sadly not in the know, it is a day to talk like a regular old scallywag! Neato! Pretty much a hardy goodtime is guaranteed on such a day, as well, it's an excuse to drinker like a bloody pisser. Je t'aime.



I really like this photo because I look the lamest pirate evah and I practically have a quasi-pirate mullet . . . if that doesn't scare the peg leg right off of you, I don't know what will. God I need a sodding haircut/money.

Fetch me rum WENCHES!!

lucky foot, other rabbit

HOLIPISS!! I got the latest Dears album, A Gang of Losers, and ohhh my friends, it is so very good. I think I've played it about eleven-billion times already . . . mostly though because it's a joyful way to block out the sound of raging hammers on my roof. Roof construction is like a modern form of Chinese water torture . . . pretty much every half-an-hour or so my head explodes with rage and I shake my fist at the sky like a crotchety old man. Curse those meddling hammers I say!

Also maybe, since I have a blissful day off I have decided to treat myself to some Asian cinema goodtimes at the Metro cinema complete with a dash of back row creepiness. I need to buy myself a Warhol-esque wig so to complete my vision of pure back row perverseness. Ha! Jealous! Seriously, I will be the best of friends with Hiroshi Teshigahara and his avant-garde Japanese cinema and we will eat pocky and giggle and whatevs. Neat!

the zombie christ

So after a weekend of drunken debotchery and awesomeness abounds, I have returned to lovely academia. Oh ho ho, it shall be a semester of nerdy goodtimes with courses in Persian, human rights, globalization and Asian popular cinema . . . JOY!!! J'aime le ecole. Ohh my brothers, I love Persian because I get extra credit just for watching Kiarostami films . . . it feels the same to my heart as if someone agreed to pay me to play Zelda. That would be muthafucking amazing! Amazing I say!!

Seriously, I will start accepting offers for the Zelda AND I will throw in my friendship to sweeten the deal. It's a two-for-one in sheer Christmas Day miracles!!

Also of interest, is the fact that ever since the blessed Croc Hunter, Steve Irwin, met his untimely death, I have been having zombie nightmares. Every night the dreams become more disturbing and zombie-ridden, of which, has lead me to one conclusion . . . Steve Irwin is the sweet zombie messiah!!

Lord have mercy!

i heart nyc

Ladies and gents, I give you New York City . . . it's filthy and wonderful and I miss it terribly. Le sigh.

i want to grow up to be the harbinger of the apocalypse

Oh my muthafucking god!! Space Ghost is on right now!! SPPPPPAAAAACEEEE GHOOOOSSSTTTTT!!!!!!!11! My heart is exploding with glee right now as we speak . . . especially because it has Zorac's nephew Raymond, the lone Mantus of the Apocalypse. Amazing! Basically, it completes a wonderfully bizarre day which included me attending Sabbath dinner, of which, was awkward/fun as I am not Jewish and knew no one there . . . however, they were all drunk so I fit in just fine. Oh ho ho, shalom indeed!

total eclipse of the heart

I am an excited girl as the new Vogue fall fashion edition is out. This of course means I will be spending the next couple of hours pouring over the delicate pages of Vogue and my head exploding with glee!! I miss New York. I miss Miu Miu and Burberry and all the pretty, pretty things. Le sigh.



Maybe later today I will post some photos from Manhattan as I have yet to do that because I suck at life. Neat!

TO DA MOON!

to be completed with the rest of the world

After watching King Kong I have reminded myself why I should never, under any circumstances, watch any movie with dinosaurs in it around any living soul. Ohh god, I screamed and clapped my hands like a small child with autisism . . . there also may or may not have been raptor noises involved. le sigh, NERD!

Today was awesomeness abounds, namely, because I went out and got my school supplies for the rapidly approaching school semester. There is something about purchasing my color coded coil notebooks that fill my heart with glee . . . pathetic indeed. Ohhh Hilroy, I love you and your capacity to meet all my academic needs. Je t'aime. When you're a shut in you take the greatest joy in the smallest of things . . . jealous!

i'm a lumberjack and that's okay

Bleh, I am so retchedly bored and lonely right now. Namely, because the mombles is out of town so there is a lack of persons to torment in the house. I'm so lame it hurts my small intestine like fuck! Ohhh self-pitying mode abounds!

To pretend like I am rockstar awesome cool I am going to have a glass of wine whilest watching King Kong and talk to myself in a British accent that sounds suspiciously like John Cleese. Because he is awesome and it'll make me sound all sophisicated like. Oh ho ho! Jealous!



Why yes. Yes I did put on my sunglasses to make me feel more rockstar . . . ohhh snap!

futon woman!

Ohhh my brothers there is the most amazingest thunderstorm raging about outside. So to fully enjoy this Christmas Day miracle I am soon off to my deck to sit and watch the storm whilest listening to The Doors or Pink Floyd on real low and gentle and whatevs. It'll be awesome . . . that is until my ADHD kicks in and then I'll retire inside to watch THE MUTHAFUCKING EXORCIST ON A MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE! It will be awesome because a major case of the wiggins is the new black. Ha! Jealous!

Also the other day out and about with the Smeltrex and her boy, Lava, I happened to taken the most awesome emo Myspace photo of myself EVAH!! Katrina prepare yourself for your head to explode!!

pysanka? more like lamesanka!

This last week has been one of joy and splender! My two most favoritest things!! Firstly, I finished off my time in New York with fun and goodtimes . . . namely, I saw a little thing called the French Kicks at the Bowery Ballroom. Ohhh j'aime French Kicks . . . excuse me whilest I swoon. The rest of the time in the Big Apple was spent with my little compatriots, Jamez and Cindy Loo. Fun and goodtimes abounds!

I returned Wednesday to my blessed Edmonton, a bipolar kitty and an disinterested dog and all the normallities of the life of me. It feels bizarre to have been doing crazy things for three weeks and then return right back to the grind . . . where was my gradual rehabilitation to real life bits or whatevs?! Although to make me feel less with the fish-out-of-water bit, my friends took me to Vegreville on Saturday. Upon which they proceeded to get me drunk by noon and then took me by the giant egg . . . lude comments were made regarding the pysanka. I was an asshole tourist, it brought me back to better times. That and I got to eat caramel apples under tractors to pass the time!! Ha! Jealous!



Also I did this yesterday!! SHABAMM!!!



Now I can look artistic and moody like all the time!! All the muthafucking time I say! Neat!

incurring the old lady wrath

So last night I was a total rage-aholic at this poor Welsh bloke. His snoring sounded like a drunk rhinosaurus with imploded innerds was struggling to cling onto its fading life . . . essentially it was deeply annoying and wanted nothing more than for him to sod off and die! Everytime the poor bastard would disrupt my sleep (through my blessed ear plugs) I would get up and shake him until he woke up and then proceeded to shoot lazerbeams out of my eyes. I did this every half an hour with no avail. le sigh. I am exhausted and bitter and resentful and what not.

Basically I want to destroy all things that are snoring and noisy beasts when I am trying to sleep because I am old and sleep is one of my greatest joys.

Today I plan on thrift shopping across Manhattan . . . apparently right near by my hostel there are some really nifty thift shops of which I will become the best of friends with and we will live happily evah after. Sorry schmeltie that means you are out because fashion has no muthafucking mercy!!

I am off for good times and adventure!! Take care all my little poppets!

prime minister is another term for colonial domination

Ohhh my goodness the last week in New York has been a bloody gong show!! I have made some crazy little hostel buddies, of which, are the source of all things trouble and fun-like or whatevs.

Basically, I have spent the last few days doing small touristy things in the morning followed by some serious shopping to get the cheesy taste of tourism off of my palate. Cursed Sephora!! I have spent so much there and I have only been here for one week! The shopping is then met up with some dinner and drinks with my hostel friends . . . the British combined with Canadians is a fine fit for a good evening. It's especially awesome when they can use the awesome powers of a posh accent to wrangle us free drinks and in the case of last night a free ride in a limo to a club in the Meatpacking District!! HOLIPISS!!

Last night was quite possibly the most bizarre evening as Katrina ended up chatting up some random guys on a patio which promptly lead to him calling his limo to give us a ride to a club on the opposite end of town . . . I looked like a total banshee freak when the car actually pulled up!! Ohhh my, indeed! Following that was some drunken goodtimes discussing the colonial aspects of Canadian culture and politics and whatevs . . . ohhh NERDS!

Peace out my little homeslices!

walking with a swagger

Hallo my brothers!! I am currently posting from the GREAT BEYOND . . . that or New York City or whatevs. Ohhh my, I love it here so much it makes my heart explode with glee and my intestines gush nothing but love.

The flight here was a bloody gong show as I am a pent-up banshee who sobbed like a small child upon saying farewell to my mother . . . there was mockery via the airline staff. Neat! However I managed to survive the flight despite horrifying visions of snakes on the plane! MUTHAFUCKER! The greatest part about arriving is the discovering that humidity is the devil, and therefore by default, all things to do with the subway and it's delicious AC is wonderful and radtacular.

Last night was also awash with goodtimes and grossness . . . a seemingly intimate pair in Manhattan. I went with a crazy Danish lady from the hostel to a rap festival down by the Brooklyn Bridge . . . ohh yes it was fun and goodtimes abounds! Namely, because the band was the Sugar Hill Cult of the rapping grandma in the Wedding Singer fame. It was friggin' awesome! After the concert and plenty of beer, Mei and I walked across to the pier to the Bodies exhibit which is the producer of the wiggins and all things creepy-like . . . so many bodies in a small, small space. It was interesting/vomit inducing. Naturally, of course, despite it being an exhibit of sheer creepiness it didn't stop me from laughing like a banshee when I noticed that the penis of one of the bodies was missing . . . ohhh social awkwardness bless your soul.

Anyways friends and Romans, I am off to seek adventure or perhaps some nice Channa Masala.

TO DA MOON!

take my friendship gold

I feel like Goro, of Mortal Kombat fame, has ripped out my spine, slammed it repeatedly against the wall and then put it back into my body.

Basically, I desperately want more pain meds for my crippled spine, and more so, I really want to be playing some bloody Mortal Kombat II . . . which, let's be honest here was the greatest of all!! Namely, because I had discovered an awesome attack with the purple fan-blade chick that practically let me destroy the muthafucking world! Ohhhh NERD!

Despite my literal lameness I am looking forward to the next following days because I get to hang out with my favoritest of brothers: le b and the grand schmeltrex. Also since espresso is involved I will be the happiest of girls . . . my grin will split the coast in half. Also on the list of happy things is the fact in exactly one week I will be on my way to New York!! Ohhh ho ho urban bliss!! Unfortunetely that leaves me with a week to figure out which CDs are vital to my happiness for three weeks . . . it is pretty sad that my greatest stress about leaving revolves around compiling my music collection into 3 weeks worth of awesomeness. Ummm so far I've determined I need all things Matthew Good, The Velvet Underground and The Flaming Lips . . . after that it's all jumbled-like and difficult and whatevs.

My babysssssss I loves them all!!!

scowling from the darkest corner

Ohhh it is a time of sheer glee! GLEE I SAY!! Everything has come together to formulate the most perfectly radtacular evening . . . namely, C.R.A.Z.Y. finally came out on DVD, of which, I now righteously have in my possession. Oh yes, it's French Canadian cinema at it's finest! I command everyone to watch it or suffer my wrath. THAT or maybe I'll just paint my face up all Bowie-like and scowl at you from the darkest of corners . . . picture it: the mullet, the lightening bolt, the horror.

Also I have found a 7-11 that carries banana slurpees which tastes like a liquid banana medicine fantasy come true (of which I have several). So now I shall commence my liquid sugar banana slurpee diet . . . it will either kill me or make me a God. I'll hoping for the latter.



I look like a pile of white-trash retardation . . . AWESOME!!!

Je regret.

sitting in the parking lot

Awesome!! Just plain awesomeness!! A documentary is on right now about Hitler's final days in the bunker . . . ohhh soo fascinating. Naturally, I've read the accounts of the last days within the bunker but this has film! RANDOM FILM STOCK WITH NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL TOPIC!!!! "Look that guy said something about a tree!! Cue random war film stock with a tree in it!" Oh ho ho, World War II film stock, you crazy old bastard, je t'aime.

. . . it's a good thing school is starting quasi-soon as I am desperately in need for excuses to read books about Hitler and Stalin. For some reason or another people look at you like you're one sick muthafucker when you leisurely read books about dictators. World War II is the hostess with the mostest, okay?!!?! Currently, I have a Stalin biography calling out my name from my bookshelf . . . it tells me in a thick Georgian accent that it is full of interesting facts about the crazy little bugger and whispers sweet drunken paranoid nothings in my ear.

le sigh, I apparently need to get a life. I think that maybe people should email me [chelsaurusrex@hotmail.com] because I am bored, of which, I shall respond with witty banter or rap songs or dead baby jokes or whatevs. Ohhh snap, I'm bored.

'allo tink

Oh ho ho!! P. J. Hogan's Peter Pan is on which is quite possibly the greatest movie EVAH!! It makes me want to be British and a kid and adventurous . . . essentially, it's the kind of thing that leads to nothing but trouble. Namely, schenanagians with a space man constructed entirely out of tin foil . . . his name is Duffy, he is awesome and I love him despite the fact that the wretched soul is infested with spiders.



Also maybe sometimes a girl just wishes she had a hook useful for all sorts of things like disembowelling. Pan is awesomeness abounds indeed!!

a liberal fool

Today I am picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Matthew Good, Broken Social Scene and Feist are all playing at the Calgary Music Festival . . . naturally, they are playing when I am away in New York. Curse you fates!!

le sigh.

For the past two weeks I have been drowning in monotony with the working full time and dreadful lack of school boredom and what not. At least to assist in mending my pitiful ways I will get my rock on to Buck 65 tomorrow . . . ohhh yes, I will rap along like none other! That and I am going to play a lot of Zelda. Oh ho ho and I do mean A LOT! Summer is for fools and liberals.

Fin.

dahmer brings out the best in all of us

Keltie Samantha says:

I JUST TOTALLY FRIED THE WASHING MACHINE ON MY FLOOR

Keltie Samantha says:

FUCK

chelsaurus rex says:

what did you do?!!

Keltie Samantha says:

I overloaded the damn thing

chelsaurus rex says:

BLAME JORDAN, WHATEVER YOU DID BLAME JORDAN!!!

Keltie Samantha says:

When I came to check on the cycle, the room smelled like burning, and the machine refused to start again

chelsaurus rex says:

hahaha!!

Keltie Samantha says:

So I did what I do best...panic!!!

chelsaurus rex says:

seriously collect some stray Jordo hairs and place them strategically around the laundry room

Keltie Samantha says:

I wrung out the load as best as I could, and took it to the third floor machine. Which is bigger. And tossed everything in there.

Keltie Samantha says:

But in the meantime, the floor has two inches of water on it, and there are about a million panic-stricked watery footsteps going from my apt to the laundry room

Keltie Samantha says:

I LOOK GUILTY

Keltie Samantha says:

I AM GUILTY

Keltie Samantha says:

GUILT

Keltie Samantha says:

THE GUILT

chelsaurus rex says:

ROOMMATE = BLAMEE

Keltie Samantha says:

lol

chelsaurus rex says:

you don't seem to understand how ideal your set up is

Keltie Samantha says:

I'm not that worried, actually

Keltie Samantha says:

The room has a drain, and I mopped up the remaining water

chelsaurus rex says:

but keltie the stray hairs are TEXAS GOLD!

Keltie Samantha says:

Our hair looks almost exactly the same

chelsaurus rex says:

I know but his are shorter . . . oh! maybe you could put a few pieces of pork in the room too!! THEN IT CAN'T BE YOU!!

Keltie Samantha says:

If I fry the washer downstairs, I'm sooooo dead

Keltie Samantha says:

I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH LOONIES TO SPLIT THE LOAD

chelsaurus rex says:

haha

Keltie Samantha says:

lol

Keltie Samantha says:

God, I cannot beleive I did that!

chelsaurus rex says:

you are my emotional hero!

Keltie Samantha says:

And I'm going to deny it till my dying day. I cant afford to replace that thing!!!

chelsaurus rex says:

I give up trying to explain how to implicate Jordan . . . it's in God's hands now

Keltie Samantha says:

Oh? AND THE WORSRT PART??? I'm washing towels and sheets. THE THINGS THAT ABSORB WATER

chelsaurus rex says:

or as I prefer it . . . THE DEVIL!

Keltie Samantha says:

Have you got ANY idea how fucking HEAVY wet towels and sheets are??????

chelsaurus rex says:

heck yes!

Keltie Samantha says:

I had to make two trips

Keltie Samantha says:

WATER DRIPPING EVERYWHERE IN THE MEANTIME

Keltie Samantha says:

I should break things more often...if I get away with it, I'll be golden

chelsaurus rex says:

yes . . . break more things if you sneak anyway with this and then kill people. SEE HOW IT GOES, WHO KNOWS!?!!! wacky fun!

chelsaurus rex says:

. . . I've been a shut in, my sarcasm is on overdrive!!

Keltie Samantha says:

Chel. I broke an ancient laundry machine. Its not THAT slippery of a slope

chelsaurus rex says:

that's what Dahmer said

Keltie Samantha says:

LMAO

Keltie Samantha says:

Awesome. Just awesome.

chelsaurus rex says:

everything to do with Dahmer is comedic gold!

Keltie Samantha says:

True nuff

Keltie Samantha says:

Rarely do I break into actual laughter when msn-ing. But that was priceless.

chelsaurus rex says:

yessss!!!

chelsaurus rex says:

in my heart "We are the Champions" is playing

Keltie Samantha says:

I kinda want to put this convo on my blog

chelsaurus rex says:

go nuts . . . welcome to the cop out MSN blog post, I loves them

Keltie Samantha says:

I can't!

Keltie Samantha says:

Then everyone will know what I did!

Keltie Samantha says:

WWDD

Keltie Samantha says:

I'm going to hell

Keltie Samantha says:
What Would Dahmer Do

chelsaurus rex says:
hahaha!!!

i loves you devil

Hallo my brothers, I have returned to my darling internet and its whoring cousin cable TV. Amazing! My time away was spent doing great and wonderous things. Namely, I was tanning and reading JPod with psychotic fervour after which I have spent several hours convincing myself that I am not a high-functioning autistic. Ohhh the psychosis that ensued. THANK YOU Doug Coupland!!

Honestly, I still haven't quite convinced myself that I am not, in fact, autistic. Extreme dislike of personal contact, hyperacuity, facial blindness . . . oh the list goes on my friends.

I have decided that today I shall rededicate my blog to the devil in honour of 6/6/6. That and also, I am preparing a CD of the greatest songs devoted to the devil of which I will blast as I wander the streets aimlessly. Ohh yes, I shall shout at the devil . . . or at the very least, my creepy neighbour with his small, small dog.

the land of plenty and miracles

So I haven't been posting as of late because I have been a shut-in/lazy git or whatevs. But that, mon freres, has all changed because today was a day of sweet, sweet glory . . . it was a little something I like to call sushi and shopping abounds avec le schmeltrex. Namely, I dragged her to Urban Outfitters which is the land of plenty and shoes and miracles and whatevs. Also, and perhaps the greatest bit of all, is the ragingly gay sales reps. My favorite was the guy who told schmelt that the pair of smashing slingbacks she was trying on were "super comfortable". Of course, he knew from far too personal of experience . . . I love him like none other!

Ohh my, the deals we found . . . I am excited girl because I snagged myself a pair of white Con high tops for 16 dollars!! Ha! Jealousy!! Having a pair of white high tops pretty much completes my dreams of being a white trash muthafucker! The world is mine for the taking . . . MINE I SAY!

Another source for happiness is the fact that I have decided to get myself contacts so I can wear oversized rockin awesome sunglasses which mock society with the enormity of their UV protection!

Also maybe I am watching "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" and the punchlines are so cheesy it makes my HEAD EXPLODE with awesomeness!! "I think the premiere is going to be a 'blast'" followed by some severe eyebrow waggling. Fuck you!

this boat is obviously sinking

Ha!! There is a thunderstorm . . . it's only my most favoritest thing about summer!! Oh ho ho I'm off to go watch the greatness!!

TO DA MOON!

jiggy with the nile virus

Ohhh my brothers, I just got back from a sunset bicycle ride . . . sounds like fun until one considers the abundant mosquito population. ABUNDANT INDEED!! Not only have I come out of this bike ride with about a bazillion bites but also, most likely, a hardy case of West Nile . . . brain swelling here I come!! Neat!

communism is the source of plaque

Ohhhh my, the last couple of days I have been an emotional ball of stress . . . everything set me off either a screaming fit of rage or a sobbing ball of awesome! It's mostly because my cat is sick so all my energy has been focused on making her feel better and comfortable and whatnot.

Today we took her to the vet to diagnose the problem, she has bad teeth . . . they are infected and spreading communist propaganda throughout her entire little body. Tomorrow the little bit is getting surgery to remove the commie teeth, which adds to my whole crazy stress bit because she's so old and frail and awesome. She clawed the fuck out of me on the way to the vet, the cat's a bloody fighter so I'm sure she'll be fine.

To take my mind off of the stress-like goodtimes I have decided to devote my day to watching Buffy and hanging out with my cat. Nice weather be damned . . . Buffy is calling!



CUTENESS EXPLOSION!!

ohhh yes

The Strokes are tonight!! Posting later, head explosion now . . . that or me running around my house in my underwear dancing like amazing!

pirate whores and trannies

Ohhh Rocky Horror Picture Show . . . be still my heart!

blog couture

also because taking up space in my blog is fun . . .

chelsaurus rex says:
CANADA IS BRING LEPROSY TO AMERICA!!!

strenge fruit says:
OH SNAP HOW DID THEY FIND OUT!?

strenge fruit says:
MY BOOKSHELF IS NOW DELICIOUSLY SINFUL!

strenge fruit says:
My mentor teacher gave me a Jesus-book called "The Purpose Driven Life" and I tucked it between "Good Omens" and gay smut! >D

strenge fruit says:
Well, gay detective novels actually! XD

chelsaurus rex says:
haha

chelsaurus rex says:
YOU ARE MY HERO!!

chelsaurus rex says:
this is going on my blog

strenge fruit says:
I have the weirdest damn assortment of books. XD;

chelsaurus rex says:
the coolest is what I think you meant to say mon frere

strenge fruit says:
hmm?

chelsaurus rex says:
gay detective novels, the closest thing I have to that awesomeness is Plato's Republic . . . that has a WHOLE lot of gay!! ohhh Socrates when will you learn

strenge fruit says:
OH MAN I SHOULD LEND THEM TO YOU THEY ARE SO HORRIBLE!

strenge fruit says:
IT'S ALL LIKE "OH I LOVE YOU MY GAY HAIRY MAN LET'S HATE LESBIANS BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL MANHATERS WHO SELFHATE TOO!"

strenge fruit says:
AND THE LESBIANS ARE ALL "I HATE YOU LET'S BLOW UP AN ABORTION CLINIC KTHNXBAI"

chelsaurus rex says:
AMAZING!!

. . . basically, B is my emotional hero.

rockadile tales

I am about to go to bed because I am pathetic and old. That or awesome! I am actually excited for tomorrow because it holds great promise . . . I get to go shopping for great things like a dress and silver shoes because they are sexy and amazing and tacky or whatevs. My friends, I have to admit that I have become a cute shoe whore!! I can't stop myself . . . everything revolves arounds shoes. It's a slippery slope, isn't schmeltie?

Mostly I am excited because I have decided to get myself a lovely little ascott hat for good health and mind-like. It shall be used in a grand plot to be the coolest person evah . . . that and for goodtimes at The Strokes and outfit abounds! Also, I require new glasses because mine are old and make my skin melt with hatred for them. Essentially I am completely allergic to saving money, it's like sweet sweet pet dander. Neat!

I am off because my cat is killing me with her abundant cuteness/claws of impatience!



OH MY GOD!!

drunklor vs tokyo

Ohh my brothers, I am filled with nerdy glee!! Tonight I shall rent movies of sappy greatness . . . perhaps that will mean a little something I like to call "The Notebook". Oh ho ho!! Sappiness indeed! Most likely I'll get there and be filled with too much embrassment and just get something indie and amazing. That or I'll do some sewing or whatevs. ADD is fun for the whole family!



I think I am shooting for wholesome bits because of the drunkeness of this weekend, it's that whole attempt to put the universe into balance or whatevs. I was around abounds on Saturday getting a whole lot of drunk in celebration of Neville Helmet Hotbottom. Needless to say, I drank . . . A LOT!! Perhaps the greatest part was me screaming at Beau's band about the end of Suffragette City . . . Duuuude, you HAVE to scream 'suffragette' like one mean muthafucker or it's lacking a whole lot of awesome. Naturally, I discussed this matter with the band with elegance and grace. That or it was me leaning over in a drunken mess and talked/yelled at Beau.



At this point I think I was screaming about the Olive Garden based exclusively on the Principal Skudworth hand gesture.

Je regrette.

jungle fevah!

Do you know what is amazing and fantastical??!!? When your sodding computer crashes just as you're about to press the 'publish post' button . . . fuck you irony!! This is just adding to my general PMS rage. Oh yes and raging indeed!!

Soooo here we go again . . . attempt to post number 2:

Today anything that came within a 5 meter radius of me was declared an enemy and they had to die. Ohhh poor mombles, she had the misfortune of shopping with me and my sheer assery . . . I almost cried in aisle 6 over her selection of bread. It was round, whereas, I prefer the goodtimes of the traditional rectangle loaf. Round loafs are for misfits and hobos!

Aside from wishing sweet, sweet death on anything that fucking moved, I spent my day planning my trip to New York. Everything is quasi-prepared, you know, except for the money bit and the actually getting there . . . minor details really! Mostly I am excited for when I get there, I am starting my month-long stay in the Chelsea district. I am starting there in the hopes of snagging me a gay boyfriend, then my lifelong dream of checking out guys with another guy can be fulfilled!! Fun and goodtimes abounds!! In my head my new boyfriend is french and carries a bagette with him EVERYWHERE!!

I shall name him Pierre and he is snippy and I love him.

tiny cities of ashes

When I post pictures or cartoons it's basically an excuse to not post anything with substance. Laziness is fun and neat!! Jealous!

delish

So the past couple of days have been spent the way any summer holiday should be . . . namely, with shopping. A lot of shopping. Ohhh joys!

Friday was fun and goodtimes abounds as me and schmeltrex rocked it old school on Whyte Ave. Oh ho ho, there was much oogling abounds at pretty things that I cannot afford but proceed to have inapproperiate fantasies about. Ohhh my campers, one day you will be mine and I will rue the day!! Mostly though, we tried on rockstar oversized sunglasses and hats, of which, I have discover that I am not an Olsen sunglasses-like person but I happen to rock an ascott like one mean muthafuckah! I must have one . . . it shall be my New York fasionista hat and everyone will be completely jealous. Jealous I say!!

Alas, I left Whyte Ave with little to show for except for some blank cards to add to my stash of awesome . . . well that and the campers fantasties. Le sigh.

Today my bank card went out in a blaze of glory as I went shopping with Michelle. Oh yes, I went to Urban Outfitters, and yes yes, I found the shoe/purse miracles!! These are my new babies . . . love them like I love them:






Holy mother of God!!! HEAD EXPLOSION!!!

Love them or I will crush you!!

I am off to put on the The Strokes and dance around in a wifebeater and my new darling shoes because that's what awesome does. Indeed!

welcoming distraction

Amazing!! Thank you birthday boy for pointing out this source of happiness!!

ohhh joyfulness

Tomorrow contains my last exam for this semester!! Of course, this very happy realization struck me while I was driving around today . . . amazingly enough it resulted in a grin that threatened to split my face in half. The streets will run red with blood and happiness.

If my face does, in fact, stay intact following my exam, I plan to celebrate the goodtimes by watching Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and The Army of Darkness. Following that I am going to walk around outside yelling at strangers about various things like boomsticks and whatnot. Neat!

Studying abounds!!

i think i will start with your heart

Ohhh my, business abounds with the few fatal days of school remaining. Ahh studying followed by a whole lot of drinking . . . A WHOLE LOT. Neat!



Mostly, I am excited tonight as I am taking a break from the whole studying bit to rock out to some Flaming Lips fun and goodtimes abounds. The new album, "At War With the Mystics," is in my possession . . . now all I need to do is turn down the lights and turn the volume way, way up. Ohh happiness is a new Flaming Lips moment.

TO DA MOON!!!

something like a phenomenon

I just finished watching The Lord of The Rings, ohhh boredom abounds. Seriously, everytime I have watched that movie I wait with anticipation for Sam to lean over and TOTALLY make out with Frodo . . . sexual tension you could cut with a knife.

Je regrete.

trapped in nerditry

Ohhh my, I am having more fun with my sewing machine. Today I have decided to make a purse out of this killer teal velvet I picked up the other day. Ohh how I love teal!! This is beginning of my newest creation . . . well, THAT and a beautiful friendship:


I have the amazingly tacky gold polyester which will be the liner for this purse. Therefore, with the velvet and polyester it's pretty much the material equilivalent of a cheap French pimp, so I have decided to name it 'Leroy'. Amazing! Le sigh, at some point I should do some studying for finals. Lameness abounds. I'm fairly certain that all this sewing is denial for the evitiable studying badness.

This post has made everyone who isn't me bored. Fuck you!

destroying the universe one purse at a time

Last night I drank myself into quite a stupor. It was goodtimes abounds, mostly because I could constantly take pictures of myself and pass it off as overt drunkness instead of the sad acutality, which is, that I am a raging egomaniac . . . honestly, it's quite pathetic/awesome. I have decided that I shall name my ego 'Murray' and we are best friends and I love him.



I am pretty much lametastic.

Unfortunetely this morning my ego couldn't cushion the blow of a hangover. Ohh it was like the world had repeatly smashed me in the face with a numerous blunt objects of varying widths and density. To avoid the severe head explosion pain that the sun induced, I committed myself to my sewing room. Ohhh it was such a happy reunion with Phasoom, we had been apart for far too long because of school and general badness. It was like everything fit together perfectly. I had the fabric and supplies I wanted, which never seems to happen, and inspiration came easily. It was easy to slip into the routine . . . ohh my brothers, it felt amazing to do something creative. Happiness!

I made this fantastical purse of Christmas Day miracles. It makes the world look brighter and happier, everything is better now that I have this purse. I shall call it "One Day I Shall Destroy the Universe". Amazing! The inside liner is red and has a pocket with a felt rifle on it . . . basically, it fills my heart with joy.

nature boy

Today I feel like there should be a small blues quartet following me around everywhere I go so I can be mysterious and noir and awesome or whatevs. Mostly I think this would be a great idea as it would distract people from looking at me as I haven't showered, done my makeup or slept yet. Ohhh yes, it's a stellar/slightly smelly look . . . I think it'll totally be the next big thing in fashion. Look for the academic zombie and remember that I am your hero. Ha! Jealous!

I'm off to go find that blues quartet . . . chances are I'm going to be settling for Miles Davis on my discman and wandering around outside in a sullen quest for brains.

Braaaaaaaiinns.

i am a superhero

So I have decided that I am going to learn how to ride a bike again this summer. Ohhh it has been years, mon freres. For those who say it's "just like riding a bike" with all sorts of mundane whatevs . . . fuck you!! Those things are sodding death traps, and yet, I am oddly intrigued to have something mobile with a cheesy basket. Ohh yes there will be a basket or sweet, sweet death.

I will apologize to my femur now because I'm fairly certain there is going to be some breaking or snapping goodtimes. Le sigh.

TO DA MOON!!

dance muthafuckah!

Ohh my I have had a hectic week . . . school and brain implosion. Neat!!

Today I was a lazy git, it was pretty much amazing. I walked around Edmonton enjoying spring and that far out sound. Ohhh my brothers, it was so lovely, I forgot that the sun has warmth!!! When I got home I made the bestest salad evah. Spinach, strawberries, kiwi, pears, coconut and strawberry vingarette, how lovely!! I'm telling you this because it's pretty much the most exciting thing I've done all week . . . pathetic indeed. Well, that and getting the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs CD, "Show Your Bones", which caused me to have a hardy rock out dance fest. Man, I'm so awkwardly cool.

Sometimes when I get really bored I pretend to be a ninja . . . this is one of those times.



Je regrete.

this is my heart

chelsey: that dog is a frickin' conehead.

mom: don't be mean to your little brother.

chelsey: mom, did he come from your vagina?

mom: he came from the heart of my vagina.

Ohhh my!!!

someday i want to be like them

Today is one of those days where I feel like running around and sighing really loud while talking about how important or busy I am. Of course, I can't actualize this awesomeness because I am, in fact, busy today. I have awoke from a nap and then studying abounds!!

I am tired and giddy from last night and the goodtimes abounds at the Metro cinema. As it turns out I am a sodding git who cannot figure out how to read movie listings, instead of going to "The Day a Pig Fell Into the Well" I ended up going to "Samurai Rebellion" . . . ohh my brothers, it was amazing!! It is my heart my friends, my heart. Naturally, after watching a film of such glory I felt like running around downtown attacking people samurai style . . . one day I am going to be knifed for the effluent properties of my coolness.

Later tonight I am off to the Fait Accomplit party of which everybody should go to or we can no longer be friends. It's going to be at Dewey's so that means you can be a drunken beast . . . also, and quite possibly the greatest part of all, I will be there looking awesome/artsy, or more likely, looking tipsy and socially awkward. Neat!! Get awesome with me at 7 in Dewey's or it means war!!

Extremely loud sigh.